Impulse Awareness Choice

Having discussed habits in a recent article, I have been asked to share a real life example to bring the theory to life. My coaching client is a CFO who is trying to navigate his way through a difficult strategy planning process with stakeholders (primarily brokers and board members).  His most important stakeholder has fed back that his questions often receive a ‘spikey’ response, something that is damaging their relationship.

The CFO invited me to observe one such conversation.  Afterwards I asked the CFO how he felt when ‘challenged’.  After a short time, it became clear to the CFO that the ‘challenge’ we were discussing was intended to be a constructive suggestion from a broker who was essentially looking to be supportive.  Following much discussion, we established that this was borne out of the CFO’s belief that those around him were looking to ‘catch him out’ – to question his competence.  As the conversation developed, we were able to reframe the belief, and we agreed a way of approaching similar conversations with a new habit routine based around a more relaxed response.  He will now experiment with a new routine starting with eye contact, and an approach of simply thanking the other party for the input.  This will enable him to manage the moment better, and to take on board inputs and suggestions when in a more reflective mindset.
Whilst I am sure this habit will require much iteration before it works for him and for his key stakeholders, the ‘cue’ will be critical.  As his current response is essentially an emotional (and mostly irrational) one, being able to anticipate this and figure out when to adopt his new routine will be essential.  As Mike Tyson would say, ‘everyone has a plan until they are punched in the face!’.

As Mike Tyson would say, ‘everyone has a plan until they are punched in the face!’.

We broke down the cue into three elements:  the trigger (in this case the question from the broker), the impulse (i.e. his current behaviour is driven by an emotional reaction) and the choice.  The last element is important – the CFO now understands that he has control over how he reacts, an essential insight and one that enables the less impulsive and more constructive routine to be executed.

As with all new habits, the first number of attempts at this new approach will be awkward and will probably feel odd for both parties.  However, when practiced with intensity and frequency (i.e. commitment and repetition) I am confident it will enable the CFO to adapt his approach, build better relationships and address something that has probably been a derailer for his performance for many years.

Coaching is key to enabling sustainable behavioural change.  The act of surfacing insights,  jointly agreeing new habits and supporting experimentation and embedding is something that most, if not all leaders benefit from.  I am confident that with practice this new habit will transform the performance of the coaching client in question, a return on investment that will pay back throughout his career.